While it seems much of the discussion on educational philosophies and methods of homeschooling seems to be dying down, my thoughts on the matter are becoming clearer by the day. I've been thinking a lot about my kids lately, where each is right now-- academically, spiritually, emotionally. I've been trying to make some decisions about which activities and interests we'll pursue during the long, hot summer afternoons, and about what will work best for next year. I've made lists, chatted with friends, and eyed curriculum websites. I've thought long and hard about our need for labels and how strange it is that we think and talk so much about this. And yet here I am thinking and talking about it. Again. And all the labels, all the discussion, all the philosophy--none of it seems to provide a complete picture of my kids as individuals, of our needs as a Catholic homeschooling family. There isn't a single idea out there that I could grab onto wholeheartedly and say, "This is it. This is what will work for all of us, forever." And I've finally realized why.
I'm not the author of this story. This journey I'm taking with my kids--parenting, homeschooling, the whole thing-- is God's plan for our family, not mine. Sure, He has charged me with the day to day upkeep, but I'm not in charge here, He is. He sends me constant reminders of that--sickness right when the routine is clicking along smoothy, toddlers and babies who need us in the middle of an hands-on project, kids who need me to go slowly and kids ever ready for another challenge, gorgeous spring days when I am determined to catch up on math and spelling, and rainstorms when we've planned a picnic. And yet, why when it comes to thoughts and discussions on the best path to take on this journey, do I leave myself to human ideals and philosophies and forget to do the most important thing--pray?
If I want to know what my kids most need, why not ask Him who made them? If I need to grasp the lesson in a particular season of our lives, why not consult the Changer of the Seasons? If my goal in raising this family is truly to gain entrance into eternal life for us all, no one's philosophy but His will do. Now, don't misunderstand. I love educational philosophy. I love developmental psychology. Almost pursued a post-graduate degree in it. I could never get tired of reading and talking about ideas. However, I could easily get dismayed and overwhelmed. Because there are so many good ways to do this and none is the complete answer. And if I find myself frantically trying to glean the best of everything, I find myself struggling to keep it together. And I realize I've made a fundamental mistake. I've put human thinking at the head of what is a spiritual quest. There is only one Idea that can guide us to where we hope to find ourselves at the end of this journey, only one Spirit who can infuse our home life with all I hope it will be full of. Only He knows what each child needs most today, only He knows which virtue should be built, which memory should be made, which trail should be followed. If I commit myself and my family into His hands daily and listen for His promptings, there will assuredly be days when He prompts us to drop everything and meet Him outside or seasons where He asks us to bring order and structure to the forefront of our lives. There will be children from whom He draws forth a hunger for classical knowledge and children with whom He endows a spirit that resists all labels and charts its own path instead. And there will be a mother, who without a daily awareness of what He is asking of her, will find herself swimming in the large pool of human ideas without an anchor to hold on to.
And so as I sit to take stock of where we are and where we are going these days, I find myself reading less and praying more. I find myself talking less and listening more. I am seeking wisdom more than ideas, the fruits of the Spirit more than the best reading list. Oh, I'll get around to those books and lists once again. But for now, I'm into a new homeschooling philosophy, the only one that seems have all the answers. Im calling it Spirit-led learning. And my only resource for this one is prayer.