The Real Learning Reality

I feel as though I've made myself quite vulnerable in the sharing of all my planning thoughts lately.  It seems that looking at well-laid plans evokes one of two responses in people: either they envision all of us sitting harmoniously around a table in a perfectly tidy home learning together while babies and toddlers sit contentedly by, or, for those whom experience has taught otherwise, they assume that something must be sacrificed in order to accomplish this--there has to be a messy house, a disgruntled husband or a neglected baby in this equation somewhere.

Neither of those assumptions are wholly true.  There are moments of harmony and contentedness in well-planned days, but babies cry, toddlers make messes and brothers scuffle--every day.  I am human--a sinful human at that.  I fail in virtue often enough to make regular confession a much-appreciated blessing.  On  the other hand, while my house does seem to fall apart around me more often than I would like, most days offer tidy spaces in which to pray, learn, and relax and nutritious meals from the kitchen.  Most days afford time in the morning to pray with my husband, time to catch up when he returns in the afternoon, and time in the evening to relax, romance, and reconnect.  Most days.  There are lots of variables here.

And that's why I don't think a simpler plan is necessarily the answer for us.  The reality is that there is nothing simple about our lives.  I get the big picture and then giggle as I wonder when a pregnancy will come along to derail it.  I lay out a weekly rhythm with the knowledge that someone may give up nap time when I least expect it or that fall soccer schedules will interrupt portions of it.  I sketch out a rhythm for our days in full awareness that some days clean bathrooms may take priority over the geography block.  But the plan gives me something to strive for--a picture of what I know our home can be at its best and an ideal I should work toward every day.  We are better for the days that come close to the plan, and after a day nowhere near it, we are not completely disheartened, because we know where to begin again tomorrow.  That is a great mercy.

I don't see the plans I'm making as overly complicated.  They make sense to me.  They don't overwhelm me.  The thought of putting them into action does give me angst--it inspires me.  My kids don't know about the plans.  There are no visible to-do lists for them.  They just know that Mom knows what comes next at any given moment, that Mom knows where the main lesson books are and can find the colored pencils, that we are praying when we are supposed to, and that Monday is clean sheet day.  And those are comforting things to know. 

I have learned that as my family has grown, I'm not that good at thinking on the fly.  I can't process information fast enough.  A rough sketch of a day doesn't work.  It leaves me too much to decide in the moment, and that leaves me lots of opportunities to get flustered, impatient, and irritable.  On the other hand, there is plenty of room in a well-laid plan for accomodations. 

We have a family geography block scheduled one afternoon a week.  That block begins with the kids working on a US map puzzle.  I CAN sit with them while they work on it.  But I can also sit them at the kitchen table while I finish lunch dishes or fold a load laundry.  Next, there is a read-aloud.  Ideally, that would look like sweet little boys lined up on a sofa cuddled with mom.  In reality, the boys have to sit at the table for read-alouds otherwise they are inattentive.  And there is often a toddler who must be convinced it is not yet time to turn the page or a baby who tries his hardest to climb to the center of the table and wreak havoc.  That's my reality.  But it doesn't render family learning obsolete, it just requires flexibility (and a sense of humor).  When it is time for younger kids to narrate, I do need a plan.  The older has to be engaged in something--usually independent reading--and the littles need to be occupied--sometimes snacks work or emptying the tupperware drawer, I am not above keyboarding narrations from the toilet while little ones splash in tub.  And when the time comes for kids to illustrate and record things in main lesson books or notebooks, I can be present but read a picture book to the younger set or sing songs with them while I chop vegetables or marinate meat.  Maybe a really busy day will mean we read the rhymes out loud and the book gets carried to soccer practice to be read independently while we wait.  If Dad comes home in the middle of a geography block, maybe we put aside to welcome him and come back to it later. 

Our learning is natural, organic.  It doesn't happen while our life is put on hold, it happens as life happens.  It's real life and real learning.  It issues from a plan and it breathes with the joys, works, and sufferings of the day.  That's reality, my reality.  And I rather like it. 

Comments

[Eileen]

That does it.

I'm coming to live at your house.

You have described in beautiful detail exactly the kind of learning environment I am striving for -- one that makes sense for the children I have, the teacher/parent I am and the life we lead.

I did write a post about it myself a couple months ago, but never really fleshed out my ideas fully enough to publish it. Perhaps it's time to revisit it now.

I experimented somewhat off-and-on this year with an unschooing-type focus, and it didn't work for me. Neither do fully-scripted plans -- they only result, for me, in anxiety and frustration when they can't be fully met. (I waaaay overplan and overthink -- so much so that, even as I'm writing, I get the sinking feeling that none of this is really going to happen. Talk about extremes!)

What works for me is a "spine" plan, a solid routine where "mom knows what comes next" and the kids can reasonably predict what a "school day" will hold. A solid outline of what I want to cover, the books we will use to cover it all, and the time set aside to make it happen, both over the course of the quarter/year, and throughout each day.

This year, I'm actually going to rely on a published curriculum for several subjects, modifying to meet our needs and the overall schedule my family thrives on. I think this will keep my overplanning in check, while giving me a net to fall into, when life -- life! -- presents other plans.

The result, when it works, is happy, well-occupied children, a general sense of success and the calm sureness that, in the end, we'll cover what we need to cover without anxiety or pressure or, shall we charitably say, "loud words" from mom; and very little regret as the year moves on.

When it works.

We all have our cranky days. And I am finally learning how important my getting enough sleep is, to the serenity of our home -- far more important, most of the time, than any housekeeping task or "down time" or planning or phone conversation I may think is top on my list.

But of everything I've tried, for this homeschooling family, what you have described here is the closest thing to the ideal I have ever read. And it is exactly this ideal that drew me to homeschooling in the first place.

I suppose it isn't necessary to mention once again that you amaze me. :) Thanks for articulating this so well -- it's truly just the inspiration I need as I gear up to start school again, only one month away!

(Oops! Looks like I wrote a post here myself! Sorry I got so carried away.)

[Anne]

Oh thank you for putting it so beautifully! I am a planner by nature, but realize that is just what they are...plans...goals. But in the end, it is being open to what God's plans are that bring the most meaning to my life.

And yes, your plans will not work with most, but putting them out to help and aid another so that they might get some nuggets to add to their plan is where its at. It's what works for me.

Thank you for all 'plans'.!!
Anne

[Stephanie]

"Our learning is natural, organic. It doesn't happen while our life is put on hold, it happens as life happens. It's real life and real learning." To my mind, that's the most beautiful statement of family life in the whole of the world. You're not putting something ON your kids, you're growing something IN them. Thank you for this post.

[Lydia]

Wow--that was an awesome post. You really nailed the two extremes on the head, and then showed what (hopeful) reality looks like. Very inspiring--thank-you!

[Kara]

This post may be one of the best that I have read about families, homeschooling, and planning. Ever.

Thank you! (and thank you for sharing your plans and opening yourself up ... I suspect that you've inspired more mother than you know, myself counted among them)

Best wishes - Kara

[Carole in Wales]

Colleen, I so love your plans! Because we are still schooling over here (this is the last week), I have put off planning. When I found all of the lovely plans up at Serendipity, I immediately began to look for the books ... the poetry, the art, the music are really hitting home with my family.

You and Elizabeth have done an excellent job. You are right when say that learning is organic and natural. We learn as we live our lives, in the everyday events and in the planned lessons as well. I hope that you continue to plan and to share your plans with all of us who are not as gifted as you are.

I so look forward to implementing what you have created in my own school room. We will have a better year because of it. And I thank you for sharing yourself and your family with us.

[Lisa Sweet]

I am sorry that you "Serendipity" girls have been getting negative feedback (I read Elizabeth's blog). It seems the height of uncharitableness (is that a word?) to criticize something that took so much effort, TIME, and generosity to produce (and which is offered free of charge!) If someone doesn't like the plans for they won't work for them, why criticize? Just skip it and find what works for you--families are all so different. I emailed Elizabeth yesterday (after reading her post today, I am glad I did!)to thank her for the lovely plans that not only offer an educational structure (and a beautiful and thorough one at that) but a gentleness and peacefulness that has truly changed the way I homeschool and the way I mother!!! Our Lord is using you ladies to bless the rest of us. I have been homeschooling a long time (14 years) and in my opinion Serendipity is a wonderful balance of structure, academics, family life, love and flexibility---oh yeah, that happens to offer REAL LEARNING to boot! I agree with this post 100%. A schedule, routine, or plan is essential for me to get anything done. Very few are the days when we adhere to the schedule as written. Flexibility is a must when homeschooling, but without a plan, I am sunk. Please do not let the negative comments from some derail your purpose or cause you to lose your interior peace. Your work is a blessing to me and many, many others. Please pass this along to any of the Serendipity-writing ladies who may need to hear it. (I know of Elizabeth and you) Thank you for your generous sharing of your talents.

[michelle waters]

Lovely! Thanks for this post. And thank you for continuing to share ideas and plans; it's much appreciated.

[SuzanneG]

Colleen~
This is a wonderful post and sums up what I've been thinking about lately. I have been pouring over Serendipity and am LOVING it. I'm having fun envisioning our use of it here! I am so grateful for everyone's hard work over there and am grateful for all your talents.

Thank you for a glimpse into your day.
Hugs,

[Patricia Dyer]

I am horrified you and Elizabeth have been criticized.

You wrote: "I don't see the plans I'm making as overly complicated. They make sense to me. They don't overwhelm me. The thought of putting them into action does give me angst--it inspires me."

This perfectly describes how having a plan works for me. I feel inspired. I am comfortable with what I need to do, and my family is comfortable with what we all need to do. It works for us.

Thank you for offering Serendipity. You are doing a great service to this family, and based on what I read above, many others. God bless you all.

[Kendra]

You hit the nail on the head for me. My home is a happier place because chaos doesn't reign, although it does rear its ugly head now and again.

We just went through one of the toughest trials we've ever faced, almost losing our newborn to a deadly virus. The day I called 911, my older kids sprung into action and handled everything at home beautifully as baby and I were sped off in an ambulance. The house, the children, our lives did not fall apart entirely because I was in a PICU two hours from home for 11 days. You can bet that this was the case all because my children are used to plans. Routines. An ebb and flow that has purpose. They knew exactly what to do even when the day suddenly took a dramatically different turn.

Thank you for your plans, and for Serendipity. All of your hard work is contributing to a peaceful school year ahead in our household.

[Adele Wjeysingha]

Thank you for the reality check. This is as good as it gets.I do not have a bog at this time but your recent planning posts have been to me peace in the midst of panic!

[Paula in MN]

BRAVO!!!!!

[Laurie]

Excellent post! Thank you for this.
It grieves me that you would get criticized for what you do here on your blog. I check in regularly on blogs like yours and Elizabeth's to help me keep my focus clear and to guide me as I make my own plans for my family.
I'm a mom of 9 who started homeschooling last year when my youngest turned 4. I've benefited so much from all you wonderful ladies who graciously share your plans and curriculum you put together, and also share the real-life experiences of your families.
You have been a great blessing to me and my family.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Tracey (Connections)]

Your plans are inspiring me to stretch myself for the benefit of my children. I am surprised that anyone would question you after you have generously shared such wonderful ideas! Truly, surprised (and disappointed).

I so appreciate the wealth of concrete ideas and inspiration on Serendipity as well as the rhythm, schedules, flow of days and ideas on your blog.

Thank you and I am sorry that you have met with anything BUT appreciation for the time and energy that went into creating and formatting (for sharing) those wonderful plans!

Tracey (Connections)

[Yvonne]

I am appalled that you, Elizabeth, and other Serendipity Ladies would be getting criticized! Your blogs have brought me so much peace and I LOVE seeing the planning as I have time to go through the blogs...the pictures with post-it schedules, the detailed plans, links that take me right to where I can purchase books. Please don't stop posting the planning stages:) It is so wonderful to see the plans and the tweakings!!! A constant reminder that we can all make adjustments to our particular circumstances. Blessings.

[Meredith from Merchant Ships]

What's to criticize about a happy home? : )

I think all of us moms--scheduled or unscheduled--learn to adjust the rhythms of our days. That you do it with specific goals in mind makes it all the more admirable to this non-planner.

[Sandy]

"I have learned that as my family has grown, I'm not that good at thinking on the fly. I can't process information fast enough. A rough sketch of a day doesn't work. It leaves me too much to decide in the moment, and that leaves me lots of opportunities to get flustered, impatient, and irritable. On the other hand, there is plenty of room in a well-laid plan for accomodations."

As a 12 year veteran of homeschooling, that's exactly how I feel about my plans. I used to be able to go-with-the-flow of learning and life at my house, but now there is just too much information coming at me all the time. If I don't have some kind of plan to remind me what to do...most of it won't get done. The goal stays the same, but the method of getting there doesn't have to. We use the do-whatever-it-takes-to-make-this-work method of homeschooling. It sounds like you do too. Bless you.

[Sandy]

I linked to you today, but being technologically inept, I don't know how to use trackbacks. Sorry. Here's the link.
http://sandy-fallinglikerain.blogspot.com/2008/07/just-another-post-about-planning.html

[Kirsten]

Colleen, It also baffles me why anyone would criticize someone else for planning for their children. Just crazy! All of the work you girls have put into Serendipity is beautiful and you all are so gracious for sharing it with everyone. Thank you and God Bless you and your beautiful family!

[Jenny]

You sound like a really balanced family, and I'm so glad you can hold up under this unwarranted criticism. You go girl! :-)

[Colleen Mitchell]

Dearest Ladies--I truly appreciate every one of your kind comments and the knowledge that these plans have been a help and a joy to you as they have been to me. Comments are being closed at this point so that we can all continue with our plans in humility and grace. Thank you again.